Why we do not accept what happens?
In the end everything comes; the happiness arrives, the pain arrives, it life arrives, it death arrives... why not accept when arrives the happiness and us is of low of the misfortune? Not are educated in understanding our States of mind or our mind. We simply react as a firefighter off internal fires. By Koncha pines-Pey for space MIMIND.
Instead of being one, we develop in several. Instead of helping ourselves, us entangled in helping others. That is what is called immature nature, otherwise a quiet nature. Where are our emotional, intellectual and physical skills able to detect the slightest internal movement.
When we say in mindfulness "let things happen and accept them", it doesn't mean that everything that happens is good. There are aggressive impulses of the mind, misfortunes, concerns and declines in inhuman conditions. That is not good and we can not leave us blind in that feeling. Rather it is not opposed to its natural movement. Just as we can not oppose to the tsunami that just destroying our home. Do not force, not reject, but devote himself to see that movement. In every movement of suffering, there is a need to learn and leave behind another. These two parts are essential to the patient to recognize them. Every movement has a take and a drop, all breathing has an inhalation and an exhalation. But what happens when you have to drop and we cling, or having to take are visceral fear to do so? This ability to discern our emotional States and balance is not be run over by the emotions or the other tram. Be focused and present.
What can you do to end the unbearable feeling of mental disorder?
To start, stop trying to control everything and slowly placing order... some order - better yet-. In the regulation of moods, there are three fundamental objectives: distinguish wisely it is good what not; getting mental calmness in the process; and be able to act with consistency - relative, progressive-.
Engage and educate themselves to understand the State of mind is something that we should incorporate in early education. Because it allows access to a personal knowledge necessary to understand and regulate our intelligences. If not, sooner or later confusion leads to suffering and from there to pain; Apart from that we inflicted much pain also to people who want us.
The other day my boiler broke, and the electrician gave me a lesson in "emotional regulation". According to him, it was broken because the pump was all day producing heat, and although heaters off thermostat had she not discriminated against I had to stop producing heat. It was great, because I understood very well that I was talking about the "emotional States discrimination'. If I didn't burn my boiler again, I had to put a discriminator so that it understood that it was not necessary to produce heat for an area of the House that did not need it. Put a "thymostato" - from the Greek tymos: humor-. Regulate moods.
That not only is applicable to those States of mind negative, also to the positive. When we are happy to believe that anything is possible, but not. We believe that the love is enough, but not is so... not enough. Only with strategy assertive can give you confidence to the process, taking consciousness of them moments of well-being, frequenting people balanced, environments nutritious that us allow be well with us.
The most common problems
- Error in the choice of the State of mind of reference: have difficulties at the time of establishing what are the goals minimum in her life. For example, "want to be in calm", even although have that live a situation unpleasant if prioritize the calm facing the resolution of the conflict violently. Choose a way of life, of relationship, of work that you do not damage, even giving up economic payments, is a form of sustainable happiness, not temporary pleasure. At this level, it is essential to have the proper motivation and be consistent with the minimum targets.
- Error of sensitivity of the container: It is essential to distinguish between excitation and energy. There are individuals who are looking for adrenalin excitement but do not have energy. And others who truly have power and don't need the adrenaline. The key here is the discernment between where you are and where it is not. If we put ourselves in a container of adrenaline, but we look for energy... and evil. If we put ourselves in a container of energy, but we are looking for adrenalin... evil. It is not syntonic. It is important to do a minimum of work on capabilities of one, what medium demand you, you feel and how you feel.
- Error of not repaired: the lack of reflection induces to the individual to think that all is worth, that can follow to forward without do a work of elaboration experiential. Weak thought, will failed, authentic disconnection... And to the end the goals of avoid the pain can lead to the individual to "suffer" and to make "suffer to others."
How accepting those States of mood negative?
Boiler pump can not be adjusted without accepting that it fails the "emotional discriminator". Most of the therapeutic work walks toward the progressive acceptance, but there is a very strong current, called ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: acceptance and commitment therapy - that reminds us to what extent the compromise may not be possible without the acceptance, because if we accept no compromise seems more resignation.
One not may out of the suffering because never wanted to be. But if we accept that are in the suffering, although never wanted to get there, is the first step. Rather, join us in the waiting room of the suffering. This must be sitting in three chairs: the Suppression of facts, drowning you produced, and submergence. But we can introduce a fourth Chair: the empty. Are going to sit us little by little in each an of them chairs and when arrive to the fourth can gently introduce the friendly compassion.
When we want to simply correct the suffering, without having contact with him, we are repressing it. When we are in denial about it, we're smothering it. Our society not us encouraged to deal with any of the three chairs; rather to stay us of foot and give you the place to another-transfer you our suffering- or cover it with other things: compulsions, flight systematic, distractions or suppression are rather counterproductive as tend to the chronicity of the pain.
Know that the activity physical increases the feeling of union and energy, creating the base of any change positive as the confidence in one same, the curiosity of follow exploring in the life after a disappointment. For this reason physical exercise is very useful. It is not useful to spend too much time wondering "why is it so or why step"; It is better to devote half an hour to make a good chart of yoga, walking, stretching and leave. Activated and socializing is also a hormone inducer of positive States of mind, for its simplicity and benevolence. The conclusion is that to get out of negative mood States not only we can do it from the psychological development, but from the body, and also with the other "social body" that supports us in the process creating new non-toxic social links.