Phases of forgiveness
Forgiveness is a conscious decision to let go of resentment and recurring thoughts of revenge. Let your role of injured or offended and move forward with your life. If you do not forgive, the fact still has control over your mind, and you can not focus on other things. By Koncha pines-Pey for space MIMIND.
Almost all of us have been affected ever in our lives by the words or actions of third parties. Perhaps your mother you damaged, your father you not defended, you cheated your husband or your colleague sabotaged you the end of career project. These wounds that can leave lasting sentiments anger, bitterness, shame, or revenge are needed to explore them in terms of mindfulness.
But how it works forgiveness? Forgiveness is a conscious decision to leave aside resentment and recurring thoughts of revenge. Let your role of injured or offended, and move forward with your life. If you do not forgive the fact continues to have control over your mind, and you can not focus on other things. Forgiveness has to begin by acknowledging that you deserve understanding, empathy and compassion in the first place... I.e. get you first, to achieve understanding, empathy and compassion for the person who hurt you.
Forgiving does not mean to deny responsibility for the evil that caused you to another, not minimizing it or justifies it. You can forgive the person, but not excuse acts. Forgiveness gives, mostly to you, a kind of peace that helps you to continue with life.
What are the benefits of forgiving?
Let go of resentment, bitterness, rage, anger, and give way to compassion, kindness and beauty that is within you. The process of forgiveness can lead in the future a:
- Have healthier relationships.
- Increase your spiritual and psychological well-being.
- Reduce anxiety, stress and hostility toward life.
- Lessen the symptoms of depression or suicidal tendencies.
- Minimize risk of dependency and abuse.
Where is the grudge in our brain kept?
When you feel hurt by someone you loved and trusted that, you can get you to feel sad, rabid, or confused. If you live in acts of confusion or painful situations of lack of clarity, rancor, resentment, revenge, or hostility, it may take root in your brain. Allowing that negative feelings invade your amygdala and come to move to the positive, can you find as swallowed up in your own sense of bitterness and want to seek justice that never will be.
The rancor in the brain effects are devastating. Not only you pay the price of deception once, but the trajectory of the emotions and the associated thought is recorded once again in your memory, preventing you that you can establish relationships and new experiences. Your life may be kidnapped by the evil that I have done, and you can not enjoy anything. You can become a depressive, anxious, or live mode threat. You can get to feel that your life has no meaning or purpose, they disagree with you. Because the dignity they have removed you. It is therefore urgent, rather than anything for you, begin a process of forgiveness to connect with the most valuable, friendly and rewarding part that exists in you. But as I get into a mental state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment first with you and as a result of this is given a process of change in relation to the others. For starters, you can:
- Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life, at that moment in particular, don't have to forgive all at the same time.
- Think about the facts, the situation, and your reaction and how all these things came to affect your life, health and well-being.
- When you're ready, start to forgive yourself, to be able to forgive those who offend you, they lied or damaged.
- Get away from the role of victim, loose control and not give more power to the person who caused you damage. The situation took a journey in your life, but it is not your whole life.
Leaving aside grudges, you already not define your life in the way in which you were wounded, but in the way in which you can be loved, understood and accompanied.
What happens if you can not forgive someone?
Forgiveness is a great challenge, especially if the person who has hurt you does not support evil and has hidden it yourself or does not want to recognize your pain. If you find yourself in this situation, keep in mind the situation of assertive way. Why that person doesn't want to admit the wrong caused? You will have so much internal disconnect that can not see the difference between good and evil? It will exist in your mind perverts patterns of threat, defence or flight so strong? If the other refuses to dialogue, it is very useful to seek professional help, and to talk about even how difficult that you talk about. Journaling, meditation, talk with wise and caring people.
Differences between forgiveness and reconciliation
Sometimes we can forgive this painful event, but now we can not rebuild the relationship. Sometimes the person who offended you is dead, or it has simply disappeared, and is a work yours and only yours to reconcile with that part of you. You can not give up the love that you had him, because that love is also you, but you can make it clearly.
If the other person does not change, there is no reason to not forgive. Because the process of forgiveness, is "with you" and not the other. Another may not want to change, and will continue hurting, offending and deceiving. But you "take away" the power that was in your life. In this Act of "personal empowerment" you reach emotional maturity that will prevent you falling in the future in other similar situations.
Before starting the process, sincerely ponders the following: honestly acknowledge the mistakes you've made and how those errors also affect others in the past. At the same time, avoid judging other harshly. You're a human being, and the other also, what shall we do? If you admit you want to forgive, he also admits that perhaps you also created causes pain to others. Speaks with sincere repentance, and maybe write a letter of those to those who ask them for forgiveness - no excuses -. You can not force anyone to forgive you, or to covering their mistakes. Each who need to move their minds to his own time, but at least you warrant that in the process of forgiveness will have: compassion, empathy, respect and attention. And perhaps that was part of the problem.