The tyranny of the expectations
Perhaps your also, without realizing it, are suffering the multiple forms that expectations have undercut the happiness in your life. Is as a plague of locusts that is eat them fields of corn, point-to-point for the harvest. It makes us feel irritated, disappointed, disappointed... because we want more or different. By Koncha pines-Pey for space MIMIND.
GEMA came and began to tell me all the good news that I had, since the last session. "I've got the work that wanted to, and my husband finally has accomplished overcome its differences with the partner". However, there was something terribly sad in its voice. It was as if I were telling something secretly, which dared not trust me. On the one hand I was saying that had progressed much in the therapy, but more beyond of that I felt their pain.
Gem is a student of mindfulness and compassion; Since makes more than one year comes to meditate regularly. Have last many hours already on the pad, and have explored how create our own suffering through a cycle endless of desire and attachment.
It in his story was exposing me clearly how suffering arises. What had wanted both had been fulfilled, and seemed to have the keys to the Ferrari of happiness. If he had his life's work, I would be happy... but had done no more than drink from the source of the dissatisfaction. Whenever gem had what he wanted, he was sad and disappointed with herself. In response to its achievements, expectations were growing, and the wheel of suffering again turn.
Perhaps you also, without realizing, are suffering the multiple forms that expectations have undercut the happiness in your life. I call it 'the tyrant of expectations'. It's like a plague of locusts that eats the corn fields, ready for harvest. Makes us feel irritated, disappointed, disillusioned, act with anger or simply to take paths wrong... because we want more. The expectations are so acute that can persist if not do something by transforming them. Even if one has all of the evidence that he is a good person, intelligent and capable, he wants to continue to demonstrate it.
The worst of the virus of the expectations is that, despite the suffering it causes, not be seen. Of course, that sometimes we are aware, but it is as if expectations run a race apart from ours. Until there is no an acute awareness of being possessed by the expectations, it can not work therapeutically in them. These moments of acute disappointment you experience are the result of hours of dissatisfaction not identified, impatience, tension, stress that you had not even perceived.
The expectations can take many roads: what hope of us themselves, what others expect of us, what we hope of them. We can have high, low, or even negative expectations. Can have them large or that are thousands of small islands as the Polynesian: small expectations that a day is associated with and come out to the load. Them big expectations have rail own, and are the result of the efforts to which we submit them human. As we learn to liberate us from great expectations, you can continue with the smaller. We can be enslaved by what is defined as "good value", be "a good person", or an identity. It is more than likely that you wait you a correct behavior: in the way that "you know that it is correct," and also to aggravate you want others to treat you in a similar way. These expectations are all-powerful secrets.
We think for a moment about the amount of suffering - yours and others - that accumulate these unrecognized expectations. Unattended in the election we cannot even assess why we do things.
How to release expectations?
Withdrawals of meditation or yoga I have attended always appears the subject of finding freedom and break free of the expectation. For something will be. But when you ask to someone how has made for release is of them expectations, not there is a response clear... silence, shame, guilt. Will be because It scares to count the number of failed expectations that involves trying to get rid of the expectations.
I would like to give good news: it is not so difficult to stop suffering the tyranny of expectations. Already I know that is an of the areas more problematic of her life; you speak a hiperperfeccionista. But even I with a little effort I managed to better quality of life. Must first bathe in the sea of expectations, observe how manifest in your life, and be able to gain access to otherwise deal with the future.
The expectations are the result of what Buddhism is known as "predatory mind". This is the mind that wants to and: desire, aversion, anxiety, enthusiasm, strength, control... wants everything in a world that is constantly changing. And also thought to have an independent identity. Knowing that, what can we do? How can us release expectations? It breathing conscious or attention full takes to the person to the time present, using the discernment to know what is truth, but without falling in the trial, because it would be another form of expectation, the more tirana.
Open yourself to the possibilities
One thing you should know is that our mind is always working with millions of possibilities. No there is a unique solution to a problem. For that is well draw the difference between expectations and possibilities. Expectations is something that presumes a certain result based on the future; they are committed to limit the possibilities, narrow the options and clouding the imagination, creating such pressure in mind that consumes little welfare we have. We make hostages of a future that can or does not happen. Expectations create rigidity in the life, and us make react impulsively to any thing that we perceive as a threat, to that future that "believe deserve".
How to know that we are controlled by the expectations? Because when we are living life in a container and we are not free in the present moment. When it cannot already be happy with a sunset, with the foam of the sea or the warmth of the hand of your son between yours and all the experiences you interpret them depending on the anticipated future. IE be slave or not? Deny the truth of the life is it more absurd that exists and also has some cost very high
By opposition, the possibilities or opportunities are based on the time present, in which I live: here and now. You live in the present moment, based on your values, reflecting your preferences for the future, but the future already will happen, because you do it the future always will be uncertain. Be open to the possibilities is recognize that what you think that can be good in the future... or may not be it. Because perhaps the future that you had designed would bring you misfortune, happiness or death... who knows. True joy is nothing more than be present and available at this time.
Live a life open to the possibilities is much more than a request; is a prayer, an act of compassion and a right. Your welfare not depends of the future. Your mind is open and inspired reading this at this moment, that is to live. Therefore, there is that admit that never will have more access to the imagination and to the intuition that now. Your mind is clear, no is reactive, and you can make better decisions.
This capacity of respond skillfully to those changes and not react to them is the main difference between feel is free or be trapped in the suffering of the life. I often see that my mind gets reactive when others act in a certain way. Then thank you gift to observe my mind tirana. Chen I am disappointed, wounded, lost, angry, defeated, humiliated, all that has to do with expectations.
Waiting for the tsunami
To the claim to free you of the expectations is likely that you find with challenges more large still. You can be one of these meditators who say: "I have no expectations; that already learned it and practiced it, professional or spiritual life".
When I meet those people, who are able to do a few such categorical statements, I am against the sublime presence of the denial. Usually has roots in the disappointments of the past: the fear of having expectations is so large that already not you are or the expectations. Big, giant expectations is hide behind that fear, accompanied of a feel exaggerated of "if not I can have what I want to, not want nothing". What you're doing to yourself is to deny any possibility.
When not you are authentic with you same, is impossible to be authentic with the others. When you are denying yourself the existence of expectations, you are limiting the possibility to actively participate in the truth of your life... moment-to-moment. Preventing the access to the power of her compassion and the love of the people that you surround. Can sound very "released and modern" tell that not like have couple stable, or that already have exceeded them expectations of that your son triumph or not... but if research a little, will see that what are doing is deny you to you same the access to those possibilities.
Many people struggle and work by transforming the expectations negative in your life. Do you can already see the difference between react or not when not you leave your plans? This not wants tell that your mind does not follow creating unconsciously expectations again and again-nobody you requests that seas perfect, that would be another expectation-. But the reason to keep practicing to be aware of the expectations is being compassionate with yourself, and when you feel you're in its claws, skillfully abandon them. You can have expectations, but not be your slave. This is the true liberation of the expectation: have a beginner's mind, face every day the task to start again. When you realize that you are creating expectations or you find yourself trapped in them, you can see the suffering that represents and cut until you start again the wheel to spin.
Attentive to the expectations spiritual
In many formations, meditation or yoga retreats, we work the issue of expectations. Many people say: "not was what expected" or "was more than what was expected". When we got to a place, we always dominated by expectations, we hope to be better than before. Such assumptions would mean that we know what we are looking for, that the Nice and the good there, and only have to come and "take it", when in fact it is quite the opposite. Often it is not the serenity we need, but to transform the storm. It is not difficult to be good when everything is going well, but be diligent and compassionate when everything goes wrong is something else. For that is worth the training, to be able to be in the tsunami.
Part of the practices of mindfulness is to work the expectations we have about ourselves: judgements, concepts, impatience, failures. Is very easy fall trapped in the "materialism spiritual" when the desire of having Special experiences are like a Wolf eater. We seek to have altered States of mind, initiations, signs... anything that will ensure us that we are on the right track. But the thing is more simple: can be rewarded in her life only because we are good people. We can be simply good students being simple. No need to wish to have mental powers, nor the will to manifest itself, or feel more than another. All these are exercises of the illusion of the mind, and are created by the expectations to tyrannize our life.
All should be Mindful of the hidden expectations. When you find one, don't judge yourself, but rather give you much compassion. He own Buddha was visited on several occasions by Mara, that you tempted with the expectations. His only response was: "you see Mara, I know who you are", and is says that to the end Mara is was defeated.
Expectations have nothing to do with self-discipline. There is no fall into nihilism of because there are no expectations, no effort. The clear difference is between living in the values or live pending concrete results; but also the importance of making an effort straight or straight sacrifice and experience moral discipline that involves. Any action carried out in the right effort is multiplied by eight. Lto difference is to choose the level of effort without waiting for results, learn to have patience, to improve and balance. The result of the actions cannot be controlled.
Living in the present
The stories of many great Yogis and meditators are neither easy nor glorious; many have had to swallow is their expectations to develop the patience, perseverance, sacrifice and love unconditional. This does not mean that you have to endure extreme pain or self-denial serious, because that would imply the expectation that if I sacrifice much, will get a result. There is to be present, in all those situations.
The time is not defined by the expectation but the clarity of consciousness. A heart conditioned by the love, the compassion, the empathy and the joy of the others us allows welcome it life as is. This may seem impossible, but is a goal, a beacon in the fog. The most important thing is that we can inspire and guide our way of living the moment, simply putting to one side the expectations.
It is possible that little by little surprised of how you've been abandoning the mechanism of expectations. You have to go to training the mind in the value and reaesl discipline. To do this, you are going to go showing yourself what you value in your life; then all will emerge with joy and ease regardless of the conditions of your life.
If you stay in the "present", the future will come only. If one is aligned with their values, these are like seeds that ripen in the best possible future prospects. Even if a result does not seem desirable, will be really beneficial.